This weekend, I’ll be making palaspas (lukay, palm) for Domingo de Ramos (bendita lukay, Palm Sunday). I promise this to myself to make my palaspas every year. But this time, I am going to make plenty, to sell. It’s not really for profit. Just wanted to celebrate good memories of my childhood. I remember Tatay making palaspas to sell during Palm Sunday. Even the parish priest will request him to make a big one for the mass.
Maybe I wanted to celebrate memories of my father, too. Yes. I miss him. There are so many things that we talk about that only us share. He’s been my best friend. But he’s gone now. Yes. I want to remember him this way. His birthday is March1. So,basically this month is for him.
I made a lot of promises to him. I broke a lot, too. I hope to made good all those promises in my lifetime. However, the time has not yet arrive when I’m gonna fulfill my promises. I’ve got special kids to raise as of the moment. When they’re okay, then, I’ll go and reach for my dreams. Mine and Tatay’s dreams. I hope, I’d still have time for them before I say goodbye to this world.
I’ve been a working student when I was in college. Actually, I started when I was still in high school. We are poor and I felt the need to help them just by being independent. In that case, my parents wont have to spend for my education. During those days that I had the chance to go home, I’d spent some time to chat with Tatay. We talk about his pains, our problems and what we could do to reverse our dismal situation.
But I did not keep my promises. And that pains me now. When I look back, I wish I could have been better, not bitter.
But life has a certain way of getting back to you. Sometimes I feel that because I was not around when he got sick, really sick, Life has given me my special kids to take care of. Longer than if I attended to tatay when he needs my care. My attention. Although my brothers and sister and Nanay took care of him, my bitterness blinded me and went as far as I could, to get away. I was not even around when he died.
Huh. This is how it is with me. When I start writing, a lot of things come out. From the deepest recesses of my being. Instead of focusing my writings to certain topics, I get real. Up close and personal.
Anyway, I resolve to make as many palaspas as I can this weekend. Just simple designs.